Take a minute and think through a typical day. How many times during the day do you feel that you have permission to not be right? By that, I mean you are not expected to: know the answer, build it so it works the first time, even wear socks that match… in general, do you have the freedom to not worry about a set of expectations you feel you’re supposed to meet?
Those expectations come from everywhere. I teach Alexander Technique at a university, and the students are bright, talented, dedicated individuals. But many times in our learning environments, there is a fear of being wrong, of needing to know the “right” answer immediately, and a constant background level of tension and stress that accompanies the living up to these expectations. In order to be “successful,” we think we have to be “the best,” which often leads to becoming afraid of being wrong.
Frequently, when I work with a new Alexander Technique student, they come in with an expectation that there is a “right” way to be in themselves: a “right” way to stand or to sit, a “right” observation to make about what’s happening in their Use. In my work at the university, I give a lot of very short chair turns, and I’ve started reminding my students as a class and as individuals that they have permission, at least for the time they’re in my class, to not be “right.” Many times, a major pattern of holding will drop away simply upon taking in those words.
When children are young, they learn through trial and error. There isn’t judgment attached to learning, the way that often happens with older children and adults. It’s possible to continue learning without judging whether our efforts are right or wrong, but sometimes that seems rather counter-cultural.
What is it in your life that you feel you have to be “right” about? Following the “right” career trajectory, with no room for missteps? Living the “right” life-style, espousing the “right” views? What about the seemingly simple question of “right” posture?
You have the power to give yourself this permission to not be right, and if you go to an Alexander Technique teacher, they’ll hopefully remind you! Often, the “right” expectations we place on ourselves keep us from realizing our potential – whether that is the potential of a back without pain, or the potential of singing freely, or the potential of trying a new path in life we didn’t think was open to us.
What would happen if you gave yourself permission to not be right in just one activity or setting? How would it change the way you engage in that activity? Would you enjoy it more?
Try it out and let me know – I look forward to hearing from you. And if you need a reminder, I’m happy to tell you that you have the permission – which you really give yourself – that you don’t have to be right.